Hearts Easily Broken

I was going to talk about my fun with image transfer today, but I feel the need to share something else. Some days life is hard on your heart. A friend and I were dealt a disappointment yesterday. Perhaps she would say it was a crushing blow. I think it's the roller coaster ride that's the problem. A group of us have been thinking about creating something together for nearly two years. It has been a time of excitement, learning and discovery. We have challenged each other to figure out what really drives us, to think about our true passions, and how we want to spend our time. We have wondered about our values and our place in the world. It has also been a time of fears, doubts, disappointments, vulnerability, hurt and confusion. We wondered and worried about spending money, making money, locating studio space, finding "customers", maintaining friendships, staying on track, being true to ourselves, and making time for our families. Big stuff.

I think this is what happens when you dig deep, when you really care about something. Your heart is easily joyful and easily broken. It is hard to know when to soldier on and when to say "enough is enough." It is hard to know how to protect your heart and soul and still invest your passion. It is sometimes hard to know how to love and not lose yourself. I do not presume to have answers to these questions. I do believe we must listen to our gut--to slow down, be quiet and try to hear that small, still and persistent voice. I believe we must be gentle with ourselves and our dreams. And sometimes we must give ourselves permission to change course. I believe that we must care for each other. And remind one another of who we are and how far we've come.

I won't speak for anyone else, but for me it is all worthwhile. I don't want to wake up one day and wonder where my life went. I want to savor it. I want to notice the passage of time. I want to fill my life with the big stuff, even though that means hurts and disappointments. Years ago, when I was a therapist, I struggled with my job. It was hard to stop thinking about clients when they left my office. (Maybe you have heard me mention this or have seen me in action--I come from a long line of first class worriers.) I was told by others that I needed to develop the ability to detach, to find ways to leave work at work. While I agree with this in theory and I know plenty of excellent therapist who have this mastered, I'm not sure it fits me very well. I always felt that in changing that, I would also lose something. I value the way I make connections with others, the way I feel my life. So, in the end, I decided to take a different path. There's more to that story, but it's for another day.

Today, I am grateful--grateful for feeling my life, even the pain. Sometimes, I need an obstacle or roadblock to help me define myself better, to focus my dreams. In the aftermath of the disappointment, my small, still voice confirms I am on the right track. I am doing the things I was meant to do--following my passions, using my skills. It also confirms that I have chosen amazing, whole-hearted friends to walk the path with me. Sounds pretty good to me.